Preparation Vs. Execution Vs. 100 Calorie Klondike Bar

So last night was Re:Create, our young adult ministry. We've been meeting for Adoration and worship on the third Tuesday of each month since January. And every time I promise myself that I will get to work on the the theme and talk way ahead of time, but I never seem to be on top of this. Sometimes because I'm behind on work, sometimes because I'm a procrastinator.

Well, as usual, this month I ended up rushing around like a crazy man trying to get things done. Maybe there was a little procrastination involved, maybe a little behind on work, but this time it seemed liked I just was mentally on vacation. I couldn't seem to settle on a topic. I prayed, I researched current events, but nothing really seem to stick with me. Finally, for the sake of time, I decided to piggy back the theme of the Pope's visit to the US... If it's good enough for the Pope, it's good enough for me. The Pope theme was "Christ our Hope". This seemed to be a follow-up, or continuation of his latest encyclical "Spe Salvi", which sounds like spit saliva when it is belched out of my mouth. I'm not that good with Latin. This encyclical, Saved by Hope, is nuts! In a good way. Benny is so intellectually and spiritually deep. I feel like I'm barely peeling the thinest of onion skins every time I attempt to read it, yet each skin itself is so complex. Anyway, I, in my great intellect, decide to convey the Pope's brilliance in my own linguistic beauty. Hmmm... yep, you're right. I didn't really think it through. None-the-less, I was too far into my preparation to turn back now. Me trying to express B16's thoughts is similar to a jar of peanut butter trying to fly an airplane. Yeah, that doesn't make much sense, that's my point. Long story short... when it came time to execute my fantastic talk, I was nowhere near being ready. So I gave up panicking and pleaded my case with Christ. Afterwards, I decided to eat a 100 calorie Klondike Bar in surrender, yet in celebration. When the time came, I struggled through the talk, with the surprising, yet occasional, coherent thought sifting through the crap.

But this story has a good ending. After my vocal disaster, Christ was present with us in the Eucharist. Alex lead us beautifully in worship of our Lord. The people there praying were very inspiring. It's reassuring to know that no matter how crappy my preparation was, how disconnected I felt, how poorly I presented, Christ is still Christ, and was truly present in the Eucharist. Looking back, that's exactly what the Pope's encyclical is about. Christ our hope,... beyond our struggles and failure, Christ our Hope!

I wish I would thought about this before I wrote my talk...

"Succss in Ministry" - Loosly connected thoughts that leave me pretty much right where I started...

(Originally written Spring of 07)

What is successful? How is it defined? Does it have different definitions for different things? What definition of successful is applied to Youth Ministry?

Most of the time I have the tendency to equate successful Youth ministry with numbers. In Victorville I felt that our youth program was going south when our numbers were in the 30's. In Irvine, I would die for those numbers. Was Victorville successful? In the 50's? In the 30's? Is Irvine struggling for success because we rarely break twenty teens? Do these numbers show success? Do these numbers matter at all?

I have such a hard time with the status of STM. What are we doing wrong? Are we even doing anything right? I have these visions of grandeur for this program. Are they realistic? Are they visions that God has inspired in me for STM, or am I just projecting the conditions, status, and “success" of HI on this program? Are these visions something that can be manifested at STM? Or are they just a "perfect" idea of youth ministry for an imperfect ministry? I mean this in the same way as, I believe, Aristotle said that the idea of something is the perfect version of something, and very attempt to create that idea is just a flawed attempt. What aspects of my "idea" of youth ministry can I achieve, maybe not perfectly, but at least in a "successful" way? Of Course, this brings back the question of, "What is success?"

If the "idea" of my ministry is the ultimate result of God's will, the perfection of our relationship with Christ, then is that some sort of unattainable goal? Unattainable at least in this life. Is the idea of an all encompassing, comprehensive symphony between Mass, music, and Life Teen so sort of unattainable vision? If so, does that make it unrealistic? If it's unrealistic, where do we find the line of what is realistic? Is realistic the line of some sort of completion, or is it the line that we have subjectively decided to settle on? Does that line mean we have reached success?

The more I think about it, the more confused I get. The more I thin about it, the more confused I get. The more I think about it, the more confused I get. Does my confusion lead to frustration? Does my confusion lead to discouragement? Does my confusion lead to motivation? Motivation for what? Success? The idea of youth ministry? The ultimate relationship with God? It's a circle of questions.

Let's say that my idea of youth ministry is a completely unreachable goal (yet "For nothing is impossible with God." Luke 1:37. So is this goal unreachable? Does this verse nullify the thought that the "idea" is the perfected state, and nothing produced will ever reach that state?) and I'm ok with that. Do I press on knowing it is unreachable? Do I treat it as though it is possible? If I do.... then where do I start? Do I arbitrarily pick a point and start? It seems that so many aspects of this idea rely on each other for existence, growth, and "success". Even if I were to view this idea as attainable, as in Luke 1:37, where do I start? What is the next step? Do I continue in the haze that I've been ministering through and hope for God to somehow sort it all out? Do I have a plan? How can I have a plan?


God, whatever all this is, whatever all these thoughts are, I ask for your guidance and clarity among them. In this ministry, above all, I ask for your will to be done. This ministry is yours. Guide it. Please.